Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Things I wish I would have known as a newly married coach’s wife:

Enjoy the rollercoaster of a ride of this football life. 
My husband has coached in Division 2, FCS, and also at the FBS level. I have cherished every level/place we’ve been at and made some great memories at every stop. Never forget where you came from, and appreciate every single place......because anything can happen in coaching...there are no guarantees. Sometimes when you are going through a’s hard to believe there will be some light at the end of that tunnel. I know we wouldn’t be at a great place like South Dakota State without a few bumps along the way. Keep the faith.....this too shall pass🏟🏈🎒.

Listen and Learn from “seasoned” coaches’ wives. 
My husband has definitely grown as a coach from when he started in the business 21 years ago, and the same goes for coaches’ wives.  You are not going to be an expert coach’s wife the moment you say “I do.” In fact, even after almost 17 years of marriage, I am still learning every year. I am always eager to ask advice from coaches’ wives who have been married to the game longer than me. There are many shared experiences as a coach’s wife. Learning from those who have been around and helping out newbies is part of what makes being a coach’s wife specialπŸ‘‚πŸ»πŸˆπŸ‘°πŸΌπŸ’.   
Take pictures. We have an entire family room filled with framed football memories. It is honestly, my favorite room in our house. I only wish I would have taken more early onπŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸ»πŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸˆπŸ“Έ

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Quit worrying about the perfect house....accept there will be black turf pellets on the floor (or turf turds—as a friend of mine/coach’s wife likes to call them πŸ˜‚). BTW...I’ve also had my fair share of pens, Sharpies, and Dry Erase markets go through the washer/dryer. Just remember the saying: “a perfectly clean house is a sign of a misspent life.” 🀦🏼‍♀️🏈  

Don’t take it personally when your husband gets let go. The first few transitions that our family went through, I was guilty of this. I remember bawling and questioning to myself, “why don’t they think he’s a good enough coach?” I just couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t want our family to stay there when a new Head Coach came in. BELIEVE in your husband and be supportive....bumpy roads can often lead to smoother paths❤️πŸˆπŸ™πŸΌ.

Plan for rainy days. When my husband got his first full-time job, it came with a fully paid move.They boxed everything up and moved it for us. I remember thinking....I could get used to this. During subsequent moves, we have had to pay for some moves entirely out of pocket. When a new Head coach comes in, and your husband is not retained, he has to scramble and you you can’t be picky with things like moving expenses. Stay humble, appreciate what you have, and work to save up an emergency fund for transitions.You may think you are in a stable situation....but as I said earlier...there are no Guarantees in college coachingπŸˆπŸ“¦πŸ’ΈπŸ€¦πŸΌ‍♀️☔️.    

Remember those who have been there for you through the good times and the bad. I really cherish the coaches’ wives I’ve become friends with over the years. They have helped me get to the hospital when I was in labor, texted me during a playoff game cheering us on, been the first to call when our staff was let go, and been a shoulder to cry on through it all.  You will always remember who has been there for you as you go through the ups and downs of being a coach’s wife. Most importantly, remember, to be there for them right back. Love and cherish your football family. My husband and I have usually lived far away from our families during his coaching career. We have shared many holidays with our football family over the years. I really believe family is about who is there to hold your hand when you need it the most❤️πŸˆπŸ’.

Learn to juggleWell......maybe not literally. I have learned there is no “Super Woman” can’t do it all by yourself.....but you better believe I am going to try my hardest. Sometimes that means going through the Taco Bell Drive-Thru for dinner because I am overwhelmed running the entire house in addition to working full-time (30 hours a week?) and that’s ok🀹🏻‍♀️🀷🏼‍♀️.

Be independent....enjoy your alone time. Find interests and things you like to do for YOU! As much as it is hard having my husband gone for weeks at a time recruiting.....(or months at a time transitioning to a new job).....I’ve learned to appreciate having time for me. I read a good book, give myself spa treatments, have movie night with my children, or just work on a project I’ve been putting off during a busy football seasonπŸ§–πŸ»‍♀️πŸ’…πŸΌπŸ“šπŸ“Ί.
Join the AFCWA. I really believe support is SO crucial for coaches’ wives. I have met so many amazing football wives through this all different levels of football. Our week might look different on paper, but when it comes to a game’s really the same. It is truly a sisterhood. Coaches’ wives I met through the AFCWA have been there for me and helped me through some challenging times. My only regret is that I didn’t become a member soonerπŸˆπŸ‘°πŸ»πŸ‘°πŸΌπŸ‘°πŸ½πŸ’.

The grass isn’t always greener. Early on in my husband’s career we left some good jobs to move onto a higher level of college football. We have learned over the years that the, “better job,” has a lot to do with what’s best for our entire family, and not always the job at the highest levelπŸˆπŸ™‹πŸΌ‍♀️πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♂️πŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸ»πŸ‘¦πŸΌ.
When it comes to a new job....TALK...ALOT! It’s ok if you don’t think a new job might not be an overall good fit for your family. It’s important you share your feelings and he shares are a team. Communication is so important in any relationship.
Ignore the background noise. I am pretty much certain that it’s much easier to coach from a stadium seat than on the actual football field or coach’s box. Ignore the critics in the stands....or on social media for that 😜matter, until they start working 80-100 hour work weeksπŸ—£πŸˆπŸŸπŸ€¦πŸΌ‍♀️.
Make time for your coach. Even if that means joining him for a recruiting dinner.....that’s considered date night right?!? What’s really important is making the time for each other....even when football keeps them so busyπŸ’‘❤️🏈.

15 minutes doesn’t usually mean 15 minutes. I’ve learned over the years when my husband says he’ll be home in 15 minutes it usually ends up more like 30....or sometimes 40. Something always comes up with football...a recruiting call or maybe a player needing him before he heads out of his office. I’ve learned to plan accordingly...even if that means waiting to put dinner in the oven until he is actually home⏰🏈🀦🏼‍♀️.
Remind yourself that you chose to marry a coach....but your children were born into it. Stay positive for them through transitions and treat every move like a new football adventure. Children are far more resilient than you realizeπŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸ‘¦πŸ»πŸ‘¦πŸΌπŸˆπŸ›£πŸ™ŒπŸ».