I have learned that you can’t make people like you, love you, validate you, accept you, understand you, or even be nice to you......it’s simply out of your control. The good news, however, is that it doesn’t matter. Let that soak in for a moment......say it out loud even......it doesn’t matter. I heard this concept years ago, but in all honesty, I’ve really struggled to understand it....until the last couple years.
When you go through difficult times you really find out who truly cares about you. It’s the people that check in on you when life hands you lemons...the ones that are there to remind you to make lemonade.
I posted weeks ago about “my friend the coach’s wife.” My husband jokingly has referred to coaches’ wives as “my people.” All jokes aside though...they are my people. Some of them have been the ones to check in on me when life has thrown me a curve ball. As so many of us football wives can relate to.....this football life can definitely bring about some stressful times of uncertainty. I have also gone through some bumps in the road that were not at all related to football. Everyone faces adversity right?!?! We may fall into the trap of thinking a friend on Facebook is perfect and always has their life together.....but social media is not reality.....it is just a highlight reel.
Sometimes when everything appears to be going great In life....that is when adversity strikes. November of 2018 was one of those times for me when I lost a baby by miscarriage. I learned a lot about the people in my life during an extremely difficult time. When anyone is going through tough times they need love and support.....pure and simple. I was bitter and extremely hurt when a few people in my life never even bothered to show concern or even acknowledge my loss at all.
Then, 8 months later after enduring my storm.....I got my rainbow.....I found out I was pregnant with another baby. It was interesting to me that the people who were not there for me with my miscarriage....were also the people that never took the time to reach out to celebrate my great news. On the other hand, the people who regularly checked in after my loss, just to see if I was ok, have also been the ones who have loved, supported, and celebrated with me throughout my entire pregnancy.
It’s taken me two years and being pregnant with our rainbow baby to realize the real truth behind these simple words “it’s their loss, not yours.” To not let the behavior of others destroy my inner peace.
The blessing in disguise from my hurt and disappointment is that I found my people. Life is precious. Stick to those who care.....I mean really care. If someone doesn’t....just remember it doesn’t matter....they aren’t your people. Let’s be completely honest.....no response is a response. Step away from unhealthy relationships in your life. While you can’t control other people’s behavior you have complete control who you surround yourself with.