Wednesday, June 3, 2020

18 Lessons...From 18 Years as a Coach’s wife!

My husband and I are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary this week. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post...marriage isn’t always perfect. Through the ups and the downs....the wins and the losses.....and all the moves, (9 in 18 years to be exact!) this is what I have learned being married to the game.
1. Marriage is never going to be 50/50. You have to sometimes give more than the other spouse in times of need. Any coach’s wife learns that REAL fast! During our husband’s season it can feel a lot like 10/90. 
2. Don't listen to the critics. We've had people (even those close to us) doubt if our relationship could ever work. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed proving them wrong....on and off the field.

3. Listen to one another. Pure and simple. It’s not my job to be the coach and tell him what I think he did wrong after a tough loss. It’s my job as his wife to be there for listen and be supportive of him.
4. The grass....or turf...isn't always greener on the other side. Water and take care of your own grass.....and you won't need to look for anything more. 

5. Date.....a lot. We have 5 kids and we date more now than we did with only 2 (even if we have a third wheel along-our Lola celebrated our anniversary with us this year since she’s only 2 months oldđŸ˜‚). Taking time to date is a break from the everyday chaos and time to enjoy each other. Even if that “date” ends up being somehow related to football....take it. I’ve learned to appreciate any and all time together. Coaches wives have to find the silver lining.
6. You’ll cry. You’ll fight. I saw this great line once “a lot of people will say don’t go to bed angry” but I say, “sometimes the dishes gotta soak.” Going to bed upset is better then staying awake and saying things you may regret. 

7. LAUGH.......sometimes even at each other. Have fun and don’t take yourself too seriously. In our marriage that is one thing that keeps me falling more and more in love, and kept us afloat during the rough times – having fun and laughing together.  

8. You’ll Grow. We’ve learned from our ups, downs, and in betweens. With every win, tough loss, hectic move, or transition....we learn and we grow.

9. Celebrate. Sometimes I joke with my husband that my birth wasn’t planned to accommodate football (my birthday always falls during the playoffs or recruiting.) His falls right in the middle of fall camp. I’ve learned in this crazy life it doesn’t matter when you celebrate as long as you get to.
10. Don’t compare. They say comparison is the thief of joy. Not everyone’s football journey is yours. No marriage is perfect, not every marriage looks the same, or even what it seems to the outside world. Couples are not always what they POST to be.

11. Everyone has a love language. I enjoyed reading this book written by Gary Chapman years ago called The 5 Love Languages. We all have a language and I believe it's important to know yours and your spouse’s, and then act on it. 

12. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ve learned to laugh about the silly habits that bug me, and I am sure he has things that bug him about me too. You learn to love the not so easy to love parts of your spouse. When you really love someone they just don't bother you as much. 

13. Communicate. There is a reason lack of communication is one of the leading causes for divorce. Don’t assume the other person understands something the way you understand something! Communicate! We talk about any big/little decisions together. Coaching jobs, money, camps, etcetera.

14. Protect. I've got his back and I need him to have mine. You are always on the same team no matter the situation. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again....there’s no “i” in team right?!?!
15. Work at it. There is a lot of work involved in staying together. We are still working on us.....every single day.

16. Be supportive. I am his biggest fan in the stands and he's my extra set of hands at home.....well.....when he can be. Love is in the details!  Strive to love and bless each other’s life by giving compliments, forgive each other, smile, hug, listen, and be there to support each other.
17. Love and keep the faith. Through the years of this crazy profession...I’ve learned to not take the transitions personally. Love each other and keep the faith that God has a bigger plan for you.

18. Enjoy all the wins but leave the losses at the stadium. It’s not easy to accept a loss when your husband has worked so hard to perfect his game plan. When you have missed each other all or finally get that time together after the game. So once you leave the stadium choose to leave any loss behind and move on for the next week. As I said earlier, you are always on the same team no matter the situation.

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