The Sixteen things 16 years of being married to football has taught me:

My husband and I are celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary today on June 1st. Through the ups and the downs.......the wins, and the losses......This is what I’ve learned being married to the game.

1. Marriage is never going to be 50/50. You have to sometimes give more than the other spouse in times of need. Any coach’s wife learns that REAL fast! During their husband’s season it can feel a lot like 10/90.

2. Don't listen to the critics. We've had people (even those close to us) doubt if our relationship could ever work. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed proving them wrong....on and off the field.

3. Listen. Pure and simple. It’s not my job to be the coach and tell him what I think he did wrong after a tough loss. It’s my job as his wife to be there for him..... to listen and support him.

4. The grass....or turf...isn't always greener on the other side. Water and take care of your own grass.....and you won't need to look for anything more. 

5. Date.....a lot. We have 4 kids and we date more now then we did with only 2. It's a break from chaos and time to enjoy each other. Even if that “date” ends up being somehow related to football....take it. I’ve learned to appreciate any and all time together. Coaches wives have to find the silver lining

6. You’ll cry. You’ll fight. Just don’t forget to laugh....sometimes it will even be at each other.

7. You’ll Grow. We’ve learned from our ups, downs, and in betweens. With every win, tough loss, hectic move, or transition....we learn and we grow.

8. Celebrate. Sometimes I joke with my husband that my birth wasn’t planned to accommodate football (my birthday always falls during winter recruiting.) His falls right in the middle of fall camp. I’ve learned in this crazy life it doesn’t matter when you celebrate as long as you get to.

9. Don’t compare. They say comparison is the thief of joy. Not everyone’s football journey is yours.....not everyone’s marriage looks the same.....or is what it seems.

10. Everyone has a love language. I read this book written by Gary Chapman a few years ago called The 5 Love Languages. We all have a language and I believe it's important to know yours and your spouses. 

11. You learn to love the not so easy to love parts of your spouse. You know all those things that annoyed you or you hated about  an old boyfriend.....for some reason when you really love someone they just don't bother you as much.

12. Communicate. There is a reason lack of communication is one of the leading causes for divorce. We talk about any big/little decisions together. Coaching jobs, money, camps, etcetera.

13. Protect. I've got his back and I need him to have mine. We are a team. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again....there’s no “i” in team right?!?!

14. Things are not always what they seem. No marriage is perfect....not one. There is a lot of work involved in staying together. We are still working on us.....every single day.

15. Be supportive. I am his biggest fan in the stands and he's my extra set of hands at home.....well.....when he can be👰🏼🏈👍🏼

16.Love and keep the faith. I’ve learned through the years of this crazy profession to not take the transitions personally. Love each other and keep the faith that God has a bigger plan for you.

Talk DERBY to ME.......

On the first Saturday of May, I will be attending my 6th Kentucky Derby at the Churchill Downs Racetrack in Louisville, Kentucky. They say it’s the most exciting two minutes in sports.....I say it’s everything leading up to the race that makes it an event you don’t want to miss.

I’ll be honest.....growing up in Madison, WI, I did not know much about the Kentucky Derby, and I had never even heard of the Kentucky Oaks (The Friday before the Derby when 3 year old Fillies run the featured race). I wasn’t quite ready for my first trip to the Derby back in 2008, when I bought a single, simple black hat from Macy’s to wear for both the Oaks and Derby day.

Since my “rookie” year in 2008......I’ve stepped up my game big time! This year I have planned and perfected for months so that I have just the right dress with the most fabulous custom-made hat to go with it. And one hat just isn’t enough for two straight days of racing.....😉Thank you Dee’s you never disappoint. 

So whether you are headed off to your first Derby this year, or it is just on your Bucket List for now....here’s what to expect during Derby.

“Hats Off”

You will not believe the Facinators and Hats you’ll witness in just two days in Louisville. I mean when or where do you get a better opportunity to go all out with a show stopping hat, exquisitely decorated with netting, flowers, and/or feathers. Many of the men choose to go with a very dapper look wearing an old school straw boater hat or fedora as well.

“Dress like a lady...or gentleman”

There’s usually some exceptions in the “infield” (the grassy area inside the oval track frequented by college students), but the majority of those in attendance take pride in showing off their “Sunday best.” Women are in classic spring dresses, and men are dressed in nice shirts and seersucker jackets. Coming dressed to the nines is the correct Derby attire.

“It’s all in the details”

Colorful neckties and bow ties are standard amongst men, and I personally favor when they are impeccably paired with a matching pocket square. Having just the right accessories can complete your look. Personally, I tend to stay away from big earrings while wearing a hat and to quote Jackie Kennedy “Pearls are always appropriate.” Don’t forget to looked polished with a mani and pedi. The right shade of lipstick, and amazing lashes will only enhance your eyes with your hat.

“Shoe Game Strong”

The Horses aren’t the only ones who have to have on the right shoes. This has been challenging over the years because it’s a long day on your feet. In my opinion, a heel is an absolute must, but have a pair of your favorite Tory Burch flats or flip flops stashed in your purse to throw on at the end of the day.....your feet will thank you.

“In the Bag”

I prefer bringing a straw or fabric handbag/clutch to finish off a spring inspired look. I always bring my Tory Burch tote to throw in my clutch, flats, and any little necessity a lady needs to look her best for a day at the races. You can always leave that at your seats.

“When in Rome”

....or at Churchill Downs 😉..... It’s always acceptable to toast the post time of the first race with a mimosa or bloody Mary. The front runner for cocktails to have at the races, however, will always be a Mint Julep or a Lilly. There is an old Kentucky proverb that says “keep your friends close & your bourbon closer.”

“All bets are NOT off”

When betting on the races it’s essential to know whether you want your horse to Win, Place, or Show (ie. finish 1st, 2nd, or 3rd). Selecting the winning horse of the Kentucky Derby definitely adds to the fun. When it comes to picking winners, I like picking horses based on their name, but friends of mine swear by picking them by the color of their silks or by their coat color.

To quote the American author Irvin S. Cobb “Until you go to the Kentucky Derby with your own eyes, behold the Derby, you ain’t never been nowhere and you ain’t ever seen nothing.” So if you are not counting down the days to Derby weekend like I am.....well then I guess as any good southern woman would say.....”Bless your heart.” 🐎👒👗👠🥃

We’re Not Moving????

My family is headed into year 3 at South Dakota State, which matches the longest we have been at a school in our 16 years or marriage. Our 1st 3 year stint was actually my husband’s first full-time coaching job. Back in 2004, he was hired as the Offensive Line Coach at the University of Idaho. The 3 years in Moscow, Idaho, were eventful; we bought our very first home and welcomed our second baby boy into this football life. At the end of the 3rd year our head coach took another job, and like most incoming head coaches, his plans did not include retaining many of the assistants. This is often referred to as “cleaning house.” 

At the time, being new to this “coach’s wife life,” I was a complete mess finding out we hadn’t been retained. I took it personally, and worried that people didn’t think my husband was a good enough coach. There were many nights shedding tears in fear that we’d never get another coaching job again. I am pretty sure my husband questioned if I could handle the ups and downs of this lifestyle. On another level....it was also sad to have to sell our very first house and leave a town that was truly starting to feel like home to us.

I have grown to learn over the years, as a “seasoned” coach’s wife, that it all works out. After Idaho, my husband found another coaching job in a beautiful town in Minnesota, and we spent two wonderful years there.

Since that time, we have had 5 more football moves....sometimes only staying for one year at a school. In all honesty, it makes me truly thankful that next fall will be our third season at South Dakota State University. It is a lot better writing this blog post instead of calling and getting estimates from Mayflower or United. After moving for football 9 times in 16 years of marriage, I’ve been there, done that. 

Most coaches’ wives can relate to late November through February, when you never know what may happen job wise and Football Scoop is a constant buzz of firing and hiring. I know from experience that the hardest part of being a coaches’ wife is the unknown.

Around this time of year I always start to feel a little unsettled. I start to look at my husband like.....Are you sure we are not moving?  I mean.....shouldn’t I be cleaning out closets right now? When you move around as a coach’s wife, you learn to let things go.....I mean why pay to move it, if you don’t really need it. I presently have a stack of wardrobe boxes and dish packs in our garage. I learned a lesson, because every time I have gotten rid of boxes in the past, we ended up moving the next year. You could say I am a little superstitious I guess.

We have also learned through all the ups and downs that come with this profession, that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. There is often a price to pay for the “better job.” One of our last moves to Montana is a perfect example of that. We left a team that went to the D2 National Championship game for a chance to “move up” to D1-FCS. We were only there for one year and I just had my fourth baby boy when we were let go. Maverick Montana wasn’t able to enjoy Montana for very long.

So as I write this blog post today I am truly thankful and blessed to say this football family is staying Jackrabbits for another year. I am happy for my family to stay settled and plant deeper roots in the wonderful state of South Dakota, a place that truly has become home to us.

This blog post is also about all the coaches’ wives out there dealing with unknowns right now. Keep the faith....it will work out, and please know i’ve been there. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers daily.

#NoFilter

I regularly post an abundance of pics on Instagram. While they’re mostly of my children (what can I say they're my whole world), you will also find an occasional pic from a date night with my husband......probably before the football season starts (#coachswifeprobs). I love using Instagram as a virtual scrapbook to store my family’s memories. If this annoys you....please consider unfollowing me....that’s just me👦🏼👦🏼👦🏻👦🏼📱🤷🏼‍♀️.

While spending time on Instagram over the years I’ve noticed that the hashtag #nofilter has become quite popular (well over 200 million posts to be exact). Are people trying to prove to their friends (or followers) that they are so fabulous they don’t need a filter????? Why???? I’ll be the first to admit it....filters are my friend!!!! As a mama with 4 boys, I embrace a good filter. I don't always use them, but who doesn't like an occasional brightened up pic on a day when you have had little to no sleep (the mayfair filter is my personal fave). Let’s be 100% real....don’t we all need a little help sometimes?!?! Now if only those filters could “help” me with my “Mom bun.” 

My “Mom bun” is  the messy bun I am regularly sporting during the week because I am too busy caring for my tribe. If I happen see another mom wearing this messy bun...we’ll probably hit it off immediately. More than likely we just get each other and all that comes along with a busy family.

On a typical day of running kids to and from activities, being a jungle gym to my toddler, and refereeing the battles between my four boys.....my “Mom bun” just gets stuff done! 

So I think we need to start thinking of those messy buns as a crown ladies. A true queen who gives her whole self to help and love her people. Let’s be honest....she’s probably put aside perfectly blown out hair that day for someone small who needed her more.

This post is a shoutout to all the wonderful mamas out there. Use those filters as needed....don’t be ashamed of wearing your messy bun like a crown.....and remember how truly important you are to your kingdom. 

How a Coach’s Wife Survives Recruiting

One of the hardest parts, in my opinion, about being married to a college football coach is the time he spends on the road recruiting. Weeks apart in January, December, or May can be tough for any wife; it’s hard not having your partner there....kids or not. With kids however (four boys for this Momma 👦🏼👦🏻👦🏼👶🏼)   recruiting gets extremely hectic when he is not around!  I miss the little things he can help with....taking kiddos to school, changing our babe’s diaper in the morning, or some much needed adult conversation after a day spent with toddlers. Don’t get me wrong....I am used to handling the majority of responsibilities that keep our family/home afloat during the football season. But at least we are seeing each other every day during the season (albeit sometimes in passing).  We can go to practice, stop by Daddy’s office for lunch, and it’s even reassuring just to have him sleeping next to me every night. The weeks can get long during recruiting....there is not even a game to look forward to on Saturday. It’s a conflicted feeling because I understand recruiting plays a HUGE part in the success of our future football seasons....but that doesn’t make the time alone any easier. 

With 3 more weeks to the late signing period, I wanted to share with you my top 10 ways to survive recruiting......

1. FaceTime. It’s a way for you to see each other and check in. Plus if you have children it’s so important for them to see their Dad. He can hear about their game, how that test went, or just hear how their day went at school.

2. Me Time. Recruiting is my time to do the things I love to do....but never have the time to do (we all know how crazy life gets during football season). For me, it’s scrapbooking (I love capturing major milestones of my kiddos growing up), catching up on my favorite shows he does not enjoy watching (Real Housewives of Atlanta isn’t at the top of his list😂), or reading a new book. 

3. Get Organized. I am overloaded after Christmas with “stuff”, and during recruiting I feel the urge to go through closets, both organizing and purging. You can donate items you don’t use anymore to a charity, or sell things on one of those Facebook rummage sights.


4. Movie nights. Living in South Dakota, January is the coldest month of the year. Being cozy at home watching a movie with the boys is a favorite pastime when Dad’s gone. Pizza + movie candy + pajamas = happiness at this house.

5. Travel to visit family/friends. Before my kids were in school and busy with extracurricular activities, I frequently took flight or fired up the car for a road trip during recruiting . It’s much harder now with 3 kiddos in school and playing basketball, but I highly recommend this for wives with no kids or young kids.

6. Relax. This goes hand in hand with #2 (Me time.) Give yourself a pedi/mani....even better go get one. Take baths and give yourself a mini facial with a great mud mask. I found one I swear that is available at Walmart or Target for under $4. A little R&R is good for anyone.

7. Exercise. I bet half of you stop reading this post now😂. While it’s not everyone’s favorite, I know that after Christmas I always feel fuller and I can use some extra workouts to burn off all the Holiday treats. Plus, it’s it’s always great to get a head start with spring and summer around the corner.

8. Do something different. You can tell I’m a total Mama because my “something different” this January was buying tickets to a Paw Patrol Show. I took my two youngest sons to dinner at McDonald’s, followed by the show...it was a perfect recruiting season diversion.

9. Night out. Now you finally have the opportunity to catch up with friends that you had difficulty making time for during the football season. Who would say no to some good convo and a glass of wine? If your are lucky enough to be at a school where wives get invited to the recruiting dinners on weekends (thanks Coach Stig), consider yourself lucky, it’s as close to a date night as you are going to get during recruiting!

10. Prayers. With my husband spending long hours on the road with all kinds of Midwest winter road conditions, I’m saying extra prayers to help me get through the uncertainties and my worries.

So as my husband is on the road currently, I making the most of my days during recruiting season. Signing day is less than 3 weeks away....here’s to hoping the sacrifices our football families make will help our teams have amazing seasons in the years to come. GO JACKS!!!

Go e.l.f. your Shelf

What can I say....I’m just a girl surrounded by boys, who loves to get her hands on some great beauty products. Being outnumbered by 4 sons and a husband will seriously make you appreciate a little glam in your life. That being said, having a big fam has also taught me how to budget. Gone are the days where I can justify shelling out large sums of money at a the Mac counter. I love hunting for high quality beauty products that are at affordable prices.

A couple years ago I came across eyes, lips, and face.....or e.l.f. My love affair with e.l.f. started with their black Expert Liquid Liner, and my collection of their products has grown religiously over time.

I encourage you to put your own e.l.f. on your shelf this holiday season and add their products to your makeup collection. These are my top 10 absolute fave e.l.f. products right now:

1. Everyday Smoky Eyeshadow Palette. I am a HUGE fan of a smoky eye and use everyone of these colors.

 

2. Rose Gold Eyeshadow Palette. A great one for a more natural eye. Love this one in the spring and summer with a great bronzer for a beachy glow.

3. Expert Liquid Eyeliner. My first and absolute favorite elf product. Only a couple bucks and it seriously works. Always in my vanity.

4. Beautifully Bare Satin Lipstick. Love the formula and how it feels on your lips. There are many great colors to choose from. My favorite color is “Touch of Nude.” I like to wear a dark smoky eye regularly, and this color balances out a more dramatic eye.

5. Lip Lacquer in Natural. Love this on top of nude lipsticks. Rich red is also fabulous during the holidays. The lacquer gives your pucker that extra gloss/shine we all want and love.

6. Lip Exfoliator. My second favorite e.l.f. product by a very close margin. It basically preps your lips by exfoliating dry chapped skin. With vitamin E, shea butter, avocado, and other great hydrating ingredients, your lipstick will go on and look fabulous with this product.

7. Natural Lip Liner and Blending Brush. I use this color with all my nude lipsticks, and some of my other lip colors. It has a great little brush on the end which blends into your own lip color so you don’t see a harsh line like with other lip liners. It helps prolong your lip color and makes your lips look fuller.

8. 11 Piece Brush Collection. A great set of reasonably priced brushes that I use regularly. 2 of the brushes are great for creating a smoky eye. There is also a Fan brush which I absolutely love to apply a bronzer for a light beachy glow.

9. Baked Highlighter. I love to use the Moonlight Pearls highlighter on my brow bone to give an instant eye lift. It is a fantastic all-around facial highlighter.

10. Mineral Infused Mascara. LOVE this mascara. It is a fabulous dupe (cheaper copy of a high end item) to the the Better Than Sex Mascara by Two Faced Cosmetics. The Two Faced mascara is $23 while e.l.f.’s is only $3. 

It won’t be hard to find this “e.l.f.” You’ll find it on the shelf at most stores, such as Walmart or Target. Or if your children are as good of shopping buddies as mine are, sign up for their emails and get a free shipping code for products sent right to your door. Happy Holidays to you all! Here’s to looking fabulous in the new year!