Friday, November 8, 2019

November 8th.

One year ago today, I was an ecstatic pregnant girl headed to my doctor’s office for the 8 week ultrasound. What happened next changed my baby’s little heart did not have a heartbeat.  I know I am not alone when I share this....but once a woman has been through a great loss, such as a are never quite the same.

After a lot of tears....there was a rainbow after the storm. In July, I found out I was pregnant once again.....I was thrilled.....and scared....all at the same time. I took about 5 tests in disbelief. When I surprised my husband with the news he was overjoyed and relieved at the same time, but we both agreed not to tell our four children, or anyone else, until after that our 1st ultrasound. I tried not to worry...but that’s easier said than done when you’ve experienced this kind of a loss.

Two LONG months later...the day of my Ultrasound came. I was eager for the appointment, but I would be lying if I did not say I was also petrified. As I laid down and waited for the doctor to come in the room, I looked to my husband. He smiled at me adoringly, but I sensed his uneasiness as well. I thought that I saw tiny little baby legs moving.....but inside I kept praying to myself “oh please god, let me hear that sweet little heartbeat.”

Then I heard it....the most wonderful sound that instantly brought tears to my eyes that rolled down my cheeks. My husband immediately kissed me and the feeling of relief and pure joy filled up my heart. 

I am delighted to say that I am now 20 weeks along and so completely overjoyed to see that growing belly every week. I am thankful for feeling tired.... appreciative of any nausea that comes my way. After losing our baby last November I have to remind myself.....that these are all good “problems” to have. They’re a blessing.

I choose not to complain about the not so wonderful symptoms that come along with pregnancy because I know someone is wanting those feelings right now. I will never forget that feeling of yearning for that growing round belly. I will always remember. 

I am writing this post to remember the babies who were born sleeping, the ones who were carried in their mama’s belly but never held, the babies that were cradled in loving arms but could not be taken home, and those who may have been brought home to love but could not stay.

I am writing this to give any woman out there who has experienced this painful loss keep trying for their rainbow after the storm. To pray for those whose hearts are hurting, and feeling empty. I was there. I will never forget my loss, and my heart will always hold a special place for my sweet baby who left us too soon. 

I hope and pray someday we all get to hold those sweet little angel babies in Heaven. 

1 comment:

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